Where are we living?

We have 6 senses. The 5 of them being the bodily senses limited to our sense organs which are the skin (touch), tongue (taste), eyes (light), ears (sound), and nose (smell). And the one sensory apparatus that we have that none other living creature on this planet share is the mind. If the skin could pick up touch, the mind could pick up emotions. And the mind could generally pick up only 2 types of emotions, which are either positive emotions, or negative ie. pleasant or unpleasant.

But with the mind, although we rise above animals in terms of being able to pick up an extra modality, one must ask if its really useful? What is the mind for?

I believe the mind works best by being in service to us. But it becomes counterproductive when it acts as our master. One good look at the mind tells me that the mind could never handle or understand paradoxes or contradictions. Mind will forever seek certainty either by proving or disproving something. But when lingering in the middle, mind ceases to operate, almost having a life of its own, the mind starts to fight back, it starts to struggle and feel negative emotions. The mind is safe and comfortable at one extreme. And like a one way street, its either the mind moves forward or backward... it could never stay stagnant. Its either the mind is in the North or the South. It could never be in the middle. Because in the middle, the paradoxes are so complete and perfect it cancels out all thoughts. Hence in the middle, the mind ceases to function.

Gautama calls it the "middle path". And I guess thats why.

Where are we living?

There are 2 planes or dimensions of living if I might boldly claim. One is the conventional plane that most of us are living in and that is the plain of existence, and the other is the plane of reality. Contrary to what we believe, I believe that everything that exists are not real.

Bold claim?

Indeed.

Because if everything is unreal, then why should I bother when somebody steps on my toe? The pain is not real, the swelling is not real, neither is the bleeding or anything that happens to the toe. But having said that, I would be a fool to assume that this is the case without first testing it out. And as mentioned, I tempered a lot with my toes by walking out in the cold without shoes. At first it was painful especially if the roads are covered with frost and sharp little rocks and stones (not to mention shattered glass from beer bottles). Yet I paid keen attention to the mind and realized that while I was walking barefoot out on the streets, the mind tend to stray less away from the mundane errands we do in everyday life. All my attention were just focussed unto my feet to which I have so boldly claim it to be unreal just 2 seconds ago.

I have to admit, walking without shoes is great fun, but even after being able to figure out that the pain was unreal through an intellectual process, the fact that my mind was always focussed on my feet told me that I was merely playing an intellectual game. Why can't I dissociate from my feet? if the pain is unreal, if the body is unreal, then why should I think about it?

It then occurred to me.

It is our mind that keeps us stuck to the plane of existence. I call the plane of existence "unreal" because everything is really just a manifestation or maybe a mirror image of something else rather than an independent phenomena. Everything that ever existed, that can be perceived by our 6 senses, requires a comparison for it to be picked up and that might mean that we're all living under an illusion.

Just so as good can only manifest in the presence of evil, big can only be defined in the presence of the small, an object can only be identified in the presence of the non-object. And the world we live in, everything that we perceive to bear any meaning at all, turns out to be just a reflection of one thing or another. Its like looking into a mirror, and thinking that the one in the mirror is "you" rather the one standing in front of the mirror. Nothing is really, like what Immanuel Kant said, a "thing-in-itself".

And this concept isn't all that great at all and I'm sure its mentioned or implied somewhere in the Einstein's theory of relativity. Anybody could come up with such a concept... but to actually test it out and apply it into life is a whole different matter.

I feel as though we "humans" are limited to the limitations of the body and the mind. And it is these limitations that our miseries are being born. The body will age and die. And the mind will pick up positive and negative emotions whether you like it or not. It isn't up to you to filter whatever that is negative and to put it aside, the mind takes in whatever it could. Just like the eyes will see everything it could the moment you open them.

I have not attempted to filter out the negative emotions and focus only on the positive ones because my understanding of the principle of duality tells me that it will never work. Since the positive is only positive in the presence of the negative, it would be impossible for me to filter out the negative without removing the positive as well.

Thus the next rational move was to remove the mind altogether.

But is this possible? How long must one attempt to do before realizing that it is possible or impossible? If I believe it to be possible, then how long should I work on it? And if I don't believe it to be possible, then I would rather put a bullet through my head to end all this nonsense of positive and negative emotions.

The fundamental "flaw" with me is that I just could not accept the notion that humans are merely born into this world to live, experience joys and sorrows, and die. I just don't see a point in that. I've experienced joy, and I've experienced sorrow, what's next? So far the next that awaits are just more joy and sorrow without end. And not a day goes by where I do not feel as though I'm reliving the same scene over and over again, like a dejavu, and it is starting to raise some serious doubts in me as to whether or not there is an end to this cycle. I feel as though I've been here before, writing this article, in a previous life maybe, and I could distinctly remember just how helpless I would feel at the end of it because the conclusion would inevitably be the same as always.

But it is true that one gets "bored" with something the moment one savors a particular experience. Just like how I would sing a song for 3 days everyday at home and suddenly became bored of it on the 4th. Not that the song was bad, I still listen to it every now and then, but the initial excitement that was associated with it seem to have disappeared.

Is it possible, that I am bored with life...? simply because I've been through all of it, the thick and thin, the ups and down, maybe a more than a million times? But how? I'm only 23 years old... I have not hiked the Everest, neither have I earned my first billion or dated a supermodel, yet all I want to do these days is just to throw everything out the window and meditate in silence. Is is possible that there are past lives which I am not aware of? As of now, I only have feelings as though I've done this before... unconsolidated, vague, inconclusive feelings that if I tried hard enough I'd probably be able to block out. It is these feelings that keep me from being a part of society... And it keeps coming back no matter how hard I try to block them out.

We are all living on the plane of existence where nothing is real. And I believe it is our sacred duty to make that journey to the other plane, the other shore of reality. Only problem is, my intellectuality will never allow me to do so. By wanting to get there I have effectively prevented myself from getting there. I believe now the transmigration of oneself from one plane to another could not be done with effort. It is moving from one dimension to another. And the only way to achieve that is by the process of elimination. The moment we realize, in totality, that this world and everything it ever stands for are unreal, we lose touch with it and whatever that remains... is the real.

By always thinking about what is right or wrong, what is good or bad, I have trapped myself in this cycle of misery. It is a very silly thing to do, but was this very stupidity that has brought about the idea that I've done all of these before, that gave me the impression that I'm not making any progress at all... Helpful?

Only time will tell.

Meanwhile, what do I have to worry about? Studies? My family? My friends? Myself? Why do I get this feeling that I've done all that already and I'm suddenly... bored.

Utterly bored.

I can feel it... so close, yet so far.